WHAT WOMEN WANT (volume 1)

Do you remember that beautiful new millennium movie starred by Mel Gibson titled -What Women Want? The movie raked in 7 nominations and won 5 of these nominations. In the movie, Mel by some accident, had the ability to hear the inner desires and thoughts of women and this opened up a whole new world for him.

I bet a lot of men would be willing to give a fortune to understand the unsaid words of a woman, many for their selfish and illicit desires, but for a few, to help them understand and live in peace with their women. It is for these men that I went into this research.

I asked a lot of women what they wanted from their men and their answers were amazing and refreshingly educating and I am going to share them with you. I realised that if women were a PHD degree, I was still in elementary school and I had a long way to go.

Firstly, I want to start from the very beginning, the very first woman; Mama Eve. From the stories of Genesis, Eve's action of inviting the man to eat of the forbidden fruit is not one that meets many with a smile, in fact, many people especially Christians, blame her for the misfortune of man. Well! While that explains her action, let us look at her intention. Eve like every other woman wanted her husband to get to higher grounds, become greater and get to the peak, the devil gave her that promise in the form of the apple, "You would be like God". So she called out her beloved, "Adam dearie, come, eat apple", lol. Let us be serious, I am not justifying the ill of her action, it was in itself very wrong but she was living out God's plan for her which is to motivate the man. Think of it, without women, the man will lack ambition and that can't be a good thing when you consider all the things man has achieved because of ambition. Adam has his share of blame, he is supposed to captain the ship, put the woman on course, be in charge, but he failed. After all, the woman Eve might have lost us the paradise of Eden, but the woman Mary gained us the paradise of Heaven.

I am a big believer in the biblical inspired phase, "let us hear from the horse's mouth". I interviewed about 20 women, married and single including my own mother. I will segment their answers for better understanding.

Dependability: About three women continually emphasized this. "He needs to be in Charge; He should be someone I can look up to". Truth is, from my experience, the moment a woman meets a likely mate, potential husband or man, she unconsciously begins to test him to know if he can handle her, if he is one she can listen to. This is a critical moment because it determines if you are going to captain her ship or you are just a school child on excursion on the ship. It is very tricky, because it is not a matter of coercion, this will only instill fear and not respect, it is infact sometimes merely intellectual and mental, an emotional submission, not in a manipulative way, because the hypnosis will not last, but in a way that says, I want to be your friend, your brother, your father and your husband. I hope you get the picture. If you can play these roles, to checkmate the multidimensional traits of a woman, then, she will depend on you.

Real and Trustworthy: Don't start a relationship wearing a mask. Remember Joker, the ark rival of the Batman, his mask is always smiling but the real face is pain personified. Most men are like that, they present an image of heaven and they give you hell. Almost all of the 20 women I interviewed said they want a man who is real. Don't be the guy who would wash her underwear when you are dating but cannot even buy her soap when you are married. Don't go preparing an Italian meal from a legendary chef-book while you are dating , if you cannot boil water for her in marriage. It is deceit. Show her who you are, she might just like you that way. After all, some women like broken men, they get satisfaction from fixing them.

Romantic and passionate: One of them said, "men don't understand that we are fragile and we only pretend to be hard to protect ourselves". Another one said, "I like to be pursued and pampered". This is screaming "Romantic". A woman wants to be pampered. She knows that the sun has been rising and setting before she was born, but she wants to know that she is your sunshine. She wants to believe that though there are 7 billion people on the planet, your eye sees only her. It is a figurative thing, but it means the world to the woman. This is the sad reason why older women fall for the cheap charms of younger boys who notice them. Back then in School, a frustrated male professor asked his female students who they preferred between a man who pays the fees for the kids, puts a roof over her heads, provides for the family and a man who scatters rose petals around the bed for her, tells her how the word beautiful was invented because of her, but hardly provides. Surprisingly, many chose the romantic. I know this might be a very expensive joke but it sure holds some truth. I gave my grandmother of over 80 a compliment, i told her that she looks like a young bride, she immediately hugged me and she began to glow. Ofcourse she knew i had exaggerated, but she still bought what I was selling. When you stop complimenting a woman, she stops existing, she shrinks until she completely disappears. Adam saw Eve and exclaimed, "Bone of my bone, flesh of my flesh", he didn't stop there, he gave her the name "woman". A man must give his wife a name, one that says, "you belong to me and I to you". My dad calls my mum, "mine". You get the picture? For your sake, I hope you do.

Sex is not sport: The last time I checked, sex is not a game in the Olympics. Two women gave me the most interesting response when I asked them, "can sex destroy a marriage from a woman's point of view?" One narrated the story of her friend whose husband complained to her fiancée that his wife never asks for sex and when he does ask, she makes it look like a house chore and she is completely disengaged. The lady in turn spoke to her saying, "I am sexually frustrated, my husband does not satisfy me". She went on to explain saying that sex is communication, it is an intimate way for married people to communicate love and affection. Yes it can get loud, frecky and kinky, but the woman wants you to adore her body all through the process, like a temple you go to worship and not a gym you go to show your masculinity. She said most men only seek to satisfy themselves and they don't care to know what the woman wants and it becomes a one-sided communication. I asked my mum of her take on the topic and she told me, "if you show care and affection to your wife, she will always want you sexually". You see, women are not like God that we only seek when we need Him, women want to know they are needed all the time.

Fidelity: When a man doesn't intend to be monogamous after taking a vow of fidelity, he simply does not respect God and his partner. This was of high priority for most women I spoke to. God is infinite love, without God, you cannot love a woman. Ephesians 5:25 says, "husbands, love your wives as Christ loved his Church and gave himself for her". Do you realise that God died for those who flogged him, laughed at it, mocked him, crucified him, without exception? He said, "forgive them father, for they know not what they are doing". A real man learns to forgive and overlook the weaknesses of a good woman because the very things that make her weak, also make her strong. (topic for another day).

Dear men, listen to a woman when she speaks, listen to her body language, don't ignore any tear and appreciate every smile, they just want to be loved. Stay tuned for volume 2.

THE QUEEN IS BACK

Adele new single "Hello". The Queen is back. Time for artists to start fighting for No 2 on the Chart because Adele ain't leaving No 1. 

“TO ATTRACT” instead of dressing “ATTRACTIVELY"

In response to my previous post tagged "women cause the pain that other women face", the female folks said that it is one sided and I finally want to comment on it and add a lot more.

Firstly, I must remind you that truth hurts, it is not a spa where you get a massage and get comfortable, it is a very uncomfortable feeling and that is why they call it, "THE BITTER TRUTH."
If you have a ditch in front of you, simply telling yourself that it does not exist will not stop a most inevitable fall. We need to empty our cups and get advice from a male. After all, "WHY DO MEN CHEAT" is a question for a man.
Women often complain about how men treat them (without respect, as objects, etc.). But women must remember that men are very visual creatures, and a woman’s body language usually dictates how a man will treat her. If a woman dresses with dignity and carries herself with grace, most men will approach that woman with respect and honour. On the other hand, if a woman dresses like a man (pants, short hair, etc.), a man will treat her like “one of the guys.” If a woman dresses immodestly (short skirt, tight jeans, cut-off shirts), a man will often view her as a sexual object and no more.

Gen. 3:21 – notice that God is not satisfied with the garments that Adam and Eve made for each other after the original sin. The fig leaves that Adam and Eve made would have only covered them partially. They would have been immodestly dressed. Thus, God made new garments for them out of animal skins and clothed them entirely, or modestly.

Sadly, whether he see you as his Queen or his favourite toy largely depends on modesty. I bet you wish men were more honourable and could see what is inside rather than what is on the outside. Yah! Me too. I wish women did not care about how much a man earns, no need for bride prize, and all that matters is love. Perhaps someday, Alice will give us a tour to wonderland, but this is the harsh reality. No law or belief is a 100 percent accurate, I mean, there will be a few exceptions, but we have to learn how to manage the majority and that majority is likely your boyfriend or your husband now.

There is a reason I am referred to as the controversial writer, my words are rough around the edges, difficult to swallow and provoking sometimes, but it is true. If the guys will care to comment sincerely, they will confirm what I say.

I am not saying that a married woman cannot decide to role-play and for a few magical minutes, stop being Mama Nkechi and become a stunning cheerleader to spice up things in her marriage, but it is meant for her marriage and not for the public. I mean, we didn't all get to say "I do" to her. The nighties are private attires.

Women need to pay more attention to modesty.

Truth is, some men need no reason to cheat, and so do some women. It is not a gender thing, it is just human nature, it is greedy and its desires to possess is worthy of study, but there are decent men, who love their women and strive to be faithful and all I am saying is that women can be more charity in dressing and men in turn can practice self control with a little ease. We need each other to make the world a better place.

THE BLEEDING WORLD

I am awake, it is 3am and my racing heart woke me up and sleep completely eluded me. I was afraid my heart will burst and a 12 by 12 bedroom was not enough space as I felt I was suffocating. Has your heart ever been so heavy that it gives you a soar taste? My head was banging like the boys guild band and it made my hand shake. Having a very good memory was always a blessing for me, but sometimes, at moments like this, I consider it a curse.
I heard something yesterday that stirred up old memories that I thought were buried in time and believe me, as I narrate this story, it will stir up old memories in some of you too, while for some, a wild irritation and for a surprising number of you, a psychopathic sense of accomplishment.
This is no tale by the moonlight, this is horrific and real for me because I can relate with it and I will tell you why later.
I walked into my friend's office and as usual, we talked about Jesus and His love for us, but this very day, there was a twist, he told me of a girl he had met on a bus travelling back to Lagos after his vacation. He narrated how God directed him to preach and pray and how he obeyed after several persuasion from the spirit. He said he noticed a man that wore a tribal charm around his neck and he felt that was why the spirit had directed him to preach and pray, but he was wrong. Yes, the man did give his life to Christ, but the real reason was a girl sitting at the far corner of the bus. How could he had notice her? She curled herself to the corners of the bus, steering outside the window the whole time like she was not listening. When they got down from the bus, she came to him and told him "I loved the things you said, it touched me, but I must tell you, I don't feel the love of God any-more. I would have committed suicide if not for the fear of going to hell. I grew up not knowing what a father's love means because my father despised me and in a quest to be loved, I met someone i thought was a born again, he preaches too, just like you and I got to close to him, I let my guard down, trusted him so much and he raped me. " This girl was on her way back from getting her anti-depressant refill, she was a walking corpse and the words of my friend gave life to her. Today he still counsels her on how much God loves her and just a few days ago, she was called to bar.
A lot of people, especially the helpless, naive and gullible people suffer molestation, especially children. Sometimes, it is the driver or neighbour, in some cases, older family friends, uncles and aunties, and in some horrific cases, as rare as it might be, parents rape and molest their own children. In some cases like mine, it was a house help and a colleagues of my mum. It was a bitter and confusing experience because I was very tender and didn't understand the advances and the touches, but grace saved me from this people.
I like many people did not tell anyone about it, not even my mum whom I am very close to. Truth is, it was this year I told someone for the first time and I can imagine why. Offenders feed their victims with fear and shame, especially in kids and women, and they separate them from their peers due to the believe that somehow, they are different, dirty or incomplete due to the abuse they have suffered.
In fear of segregation or to be outed, many victims keep quite. Their physical injuries heal, but the emotional scars remains, lurking around like a leprosy, eating deep into the person. It never heals unless it is addressed and the person suffers a psychotic depression and this feeling can last for decades. Most people only speak out when they are adults because sexual abuse can dehumanize a person and cause an intense feeling of embarrassment and humiliation and the victims go along life wondering whom or whether to love, trust becomes a foreign word to them.
Schools should constantly speak to children of what molestation is and the need to report such incidents. Women are raped and abused should not stay in the dark and allow other women to become victims of your offenders too. Get the Justice you deserve and most importantly, get help quick. This things have a way of unconsciously affecting your future relationships, the way you see people and the way you perceive the world. For women with unresolved issues, they sometimes find it hard to love and if they get married, they take out on their husbands. I know black women hide under the lie that they are strong and therapy is for the white folks. This beautiful lie is the reason we have far too many damaged black communities.
I once followed a friend back then on campus to go and retrieve her belongings from a house she had to escape from leaving her bag and belongings behind. It was a risky move, thank God we were successful. She didn't want this reported. she said "No need, at least he didn't succeed"
Another important thing is the identity of the victims. They should be protected unless the victim says otherwise, it should be kept that way.


Firstly, Prevention is always better than cure. Take this steps to avoid molestation, rape or any form of sexual abuse.
(1) Don't keep late nights and avoid walking in quite corners or alleys.
(2) Be modest in dressing, it keeps away some perverted thoughts and can save your life
(3) Don't meet strangers in a private place, especially their homes. If you must, choose a private place.
(4) Parents, teach your sons to be the kind of men you want to marry your daughters.
(5) We must look out for each other. If you see someone in distress, don't go fighting the rapists, most times, they are armed. Instead, run and call for help.
(6) Educate! Educate!! Educate!!! Sex education is very vital in this regard. Especially for children.
(7) A zero-tolerance should be given to this crimes by law-enforcement agencies. The penalty should be severe.
(8) Pray

We must be our brother's keeper. Love those who are victims and  no matter what, a victim is not to be blamed for the abuse they suffered. The abuser is always the wrong party. Remember, it can happen to anyone. "Love and protect the dignity of others and you protect yours too"

WHO IS A BEAUTIFUL WOMAN?

Due to recent development, it is hard to tell a naturally beautiful woman in the USA. There are all kinds surgeries like hips enlargement, breast augmentation, cosmetic surgery, facial rejuvenation, botox injections, laser hair removal, liposuction, tummy tuck, face lift, dermabrasion, lip augmentation, buttock lift, etc. So we have walking terminators. (Half man, half machine) or living barbies. When you hear job before now, you immediately know it is labour for pay, but now, it could mean pain for pay. For e.g, nose job, lips job, etc.

Finally, when you meet a girl and want to take her to mama, you need to ask her if she is a woman by birth or by choice because we can now choose to defile birth.
When does a creature so beautiful and intelligent draw the line?

I guess my question is, how can a person created to be a man choose to be caged in the body of a woman or how can you replace real flesh for plastics? Is this what we call freedom? Throwing away your free and real self and buying something so expensive and unreal. I am not God, but I need not be a genius to know He is pissed. ‪#‎slaveorfree‬. Please share if you think it is true

Women Cause The Pain That Other Women Face.

It is beginning to piss me off. Every-time, we are blaming men for their inability to stay with one woman, for their promiscuous or  licentious way of life. Firstly, my dearest girls, let us free our selfs from this self pitying hypocritical attitude and embrace the truth, "Cheating is not a man's problem, it is a gender problem". It is only more pronounced in men because, though men lie a lot, they are terrible at it, and the society has also provided the man the profligate free zone mentality, meaning, when and if a man cheats, they will say "he is just being a man", but women are more discreet in this very action, they are better liars, they are in self-denial of this reality, because yet again, they blame the man each time they wilfully open up their legs as though it was some kind of psychological rape. "Self deceit is sadly very real".

How good a liar is a woman? Damn! The very best. A girl I once had a conversation with, about how I could detect if i had a cheating wife told me to my then confident face, "If I am your wife and we have four children, even if they are not yours, you will pay school fees till the day you die without knowing that they are not yours". At this point, the confidence on my face took a long vacation. Truth is, men cheat, not with themselves, but probably with a woman who has a man too. Ask most girls if they are in a serious relationship, 80% will tell you, "Well! nothing serious" And they continue to see both guys with the gender logical excuse that they are on a clock and so, they need to maximize time to find the right guy, and in most cases until perhaps they make up their minds on one, this stupidity continues. Is this not cheating? because when a guys does this, he becomes a demon that escaped from hell. who is fooling who?
 A woman meets a married man and cheats with him, tomorrow she decides to settle down with a man of her own and she finds out that he cheated with a younger version of her, Hello! What goes around comes around.

If you now agree with me that cheating is a gender issue, then, let's look at the root cause of cheating. 

Firstly, I would say Modesty is the root cause of cheating. It is after-all a known fact that men are moved by what they see. Girls popularly use the term, "dressed to kill", It is literally killing; It kills marriages, relationship, virtue, commitment, purity, and sometimes,  it takes life. The eyes are windows to the soul and what a man sees, he perceives. English 18th-century dress is renowned for its enveloping nature and the period saw fashions for its elaborate wigs, rich embroidery and full skirts, women were extremely modest and elegant. Their beautiful well patterned and modest gowns gave them a DIVINE look. It was impossible not to see them as a LADY. Only a society full of ladies deserve GENTLEMEN. Men held doors for women, helped them climb carriages and horses, in simple words, they treated them with respect. Woman were called "beautiful", "elegant", "graceful", simply because of the way they dressed. They were not objectified like the women of today. With all the laws put in place by governments of various countries and several global institutions and organization in a bid to protect women, the woman still reduces herself to an object or sight of illicit attraction. Like a museum for 18 and above. 

A girl dresses scantily and she gets compliments like "baby! you are hot", she is reduced to a temperature or "baby! you look take away", reducing her to a fast-food take out pack. At least, when words like "You look like an angel" were used, though they were unreal, it venerate a woman not reduce her to a thing. Now, this is where it gets interesting. Women, a lot of them, know exactly what they are doing. As long as this dresses get the men under their spell, he buys them what they want, when they want it and treat them like royalties on a clock, it is fine and good. They forget that it is a spell, and like all spells, at the stroke of midnight, the real Cinderella is exposed, only that in this case, it is the wicked step mother we see. At this stage, because it is not a rooted relationship, rather it was one based on appearances and lies, when and if the man walks away from the relationship, she tags him a "monster" calls, her girls and begin to cry over ice-cream with wet tissues littering everywhere as they talk about how men are the worse thing that happened to the world, and then, tomorrow, they take to social media and start writing shit. "Stop it! I have had enough". Stop playing the victim if this is the case with you. It is greed to want to eat your cake and have it.   

Immodesty increasing crimes like rape and molestation. It is like a chain reaction, When a woman wears short or revealing dressing, she deposits images into the man's mind and this images continually grow in proportion  to the rate of nearly naked women he comes in contact. Not all men can practice self control as not all women can say no to money. So a pervert who is desperate to ease his animalistic desires, sometimes, picks the object that initiated the instinct as a worthy prey. You don't display your goods in the market if you are not willing to sell. If you went to the market to buy salt and all the sellers told you they were not selling, naturally, it instigate a wildly irritated response from us and sometimes, even violent and forceful. You would say things like "Then what the hell are you doing here". 

The ladies of the night understand this term and they live by it. It is the mark of their trade and they are not in denial. When a decent girl decides to dress like a lady of the night, then she will be treated like one. After-all, the way you dress is the way you will be addressed. If you are going to a guy's house and you are looking to make a statement of "No sex till Marriage", and yet you wear micro mini with slit and a top that exposes your cleavage, you are a hypocrite and the guy will see you as a pretender.

Like I said, women cause the pain that other women face. A man in most cases is just caught in the madness.