I heard something yesterday that stirred up old memories that I thought were buried in time and believe me, as I narrate this story, it will stir up old memories in some of you too, while for some, a wild irritation and for a surprising number of you, a psychopathic sense of accomplishment.
This is no tale by the moonlight, this is horrific and real for me because I can relate with it and I will tell you why later.
I walked into my friend's office and as usual, we talked about Jesus and His love for us, but this very day, there was a twist, he told me of a girl he had met on a bus travelling back to Lagos after his vacation. He narrated how God directed him to preach and pray and how he obeyed after several persuasion from the spirit. He said he noticed a man that wore a tribal charm around his neck and he felt that was why the spirit had directed him to preach and pray, but he was wrong. Yes, the man did give his life to Christ, but the real reason was a girl sitting at the far corner of the bus. How could he had notice her? She curled herself to the corners of the bus, steering outside the window the whole time like she was not listening. When they got down from the bus, she came to him and told him "I loved the things you said, it touched me, but I must tell you, I don't feel the love of God any-more. I would have committed suicide if not for the fear of going to hell. I grew up not knowing what a father's love means because my father despised me and in a quest to be loved, I met someone i thought was a born again, he preaches too, just like you and I got to close to him, I let my guard down, trusted him so much and he raped me. " This girl was on her way back from getting her anti-depressant refill, she was a walking corpse and the words of my friend gave life to her. Today he still counsels her on how much God loves her and just a few days ago, she was called to bar.
A lot of people, especially the helpless, naive and gullible people suffer molestation, especially children. Sometimes, it is the driver or neighbour, in some cases, older family friends, uncles and aunties, and in some horrific cases, as rare as it might be, parents rape and molest their own children. In some cases like mine, it was a house help and a colleagues of my mum. It was a bitter and confusing experience because I was very tender and didn't understand the advances and the touches, but grace saved me from this people.
I like many people did not tell anyone about it, not even my mum whom I am very close to. Truth is, it was this year I told someone for the first time and I can imagine why. Offenders feed their victims with fear and shame, especially in kids and women, and they separate them from their peers due to the believe that somehow, they are different, dirty or incomplete due to the abuse they have suffered.
In fear of segregation or to be outed, many victims keep quite. Their physical injuries heal, but the emotional scars remains, lurking around like a leprosy, eating deep into the person. It never heals unless it is addressed and the person suffers a psychotic depression and this feeling can last for decades. Most people only speak out when they are adults because sexual abuse can dehumanize a person and cause an intense feeling of embarrassment and humiliation and the victims go along life wondering whom or whether to love, trust becomes a foreign word to them.
Schools should constantly speak to children of what molestation is and the need to report such incidents. Women are raped and abused should not stay in the dark and allow other women to become victims of your offenders too. Get the Justice you deserve and most importantly, get help quick. This things have a way of unconsciously affecting your future relationships, the way you see people and the way you perceive the world. For women with unresolved issues, they sometimes find it hard to love and if they get married, they take out on their husbands. I know black women hide under the lie that they are strong and therapy is for the white folks. This beautiful lie is the reason we have far too many damaged black communities.
I once followed a friend back then on campus to go and retrieve her belongings from a house she had to escape from leaving her bag and belongings behind. It was a risky move, thank God we were successful. She didn't want this reported. she said "No need, at least he didn't succeed"
Another important thing is the identity of the victims. They should be protected unless the victim says otherwise, it should be kept that way.
Firstly, Prevention is always better than cure. Take this steps to avoid molestation, rape or any form of sexual abuse.
(1) Don't keep late nights and avoid walking in quite corners or alleys.
(2) Be modest in dressing, it keeps away some perverted thoughts and can save your life
(3) Don't meet strangers in a private place, especially their homes. If you must, choose a private place.
(4) Parents, teach your sons to be the kind of men you want to marry your daughters.
(5) We must look out for each other. If you see someone in distress, don't go fighting the rapists, most times, they are armed. Instead, run and call for help.
(6) Educate! Educate!! Educate!!! Sex education is very vital in this regard. Especially for children.
(7) A zero-tolerance should be given to this crimes by law-enforcement agencies. The penalty should be severe.
(8) Pray
We must be our brother's keeper. Love those who are victims and no matter what, a victim is not to be blamed for the abuse they suffered. The abuser is always the wrong party. Remember, it can happen to anyone. "Love and protect the dignity of others and you protect yours too"
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