Do you remember that beautiful new millennium movie starred by Mel Gibson titled -What Women Want? The movie raked in 7 nominations and won 5 of these nominations. In the movie, Mel by some accident, had the ability to hear the inner desires and thoughts of women and this opened up a whole new world for him.
I bet a lot of men would be willing to give a fortune to understand the unsaid words of a woman, many for their selfish and illicit desires, but for a few, to help them understand and live in peace with their women. It is for these men that I went into this research.
I asked a lot of women what they wanted from their men and their answers were amazing and refreshingly educating and I am going to share them with you. I realised that if women were a PHD degree, I was still in elementary school and I had a long way to go.
Firstly, I want to start from the very beginning, the very first woman; Mama Eve. From the stories of Genesis, Eve's action of inviting the man to eat of the forbidden fruit is not one that meets many with a smile, in fact, many people especially Christians, blame her for the misfortune of man. Well! While that explains her action, let us look at her intention. Eve like every other woman wanted her husband to get to higher grounds, become greater and get to the peak, the devil gave her that promise in the form of the apple, "You would be like God". So she called out her beloved, "Adam dearie, come, eat apple", lol. Let us be serious, I am not justifying the ill of her action, it was in itself very wrong but she was living out God's plan for her which is to motivate the man. Think of it, without women, the man will lack ambition and that can't be a good thing when you consider all the things man has achieved because of ambition. Adam has his share of blame, he is supposed to captain the ship, put the woman on course, be in charge, but he failed. After all, the woman Eve might have lost us the paradise of Eden, but the woman Mary gained us the paradise of Heaven.
I am a big believer in the biblical inspired phase, "let us hear from the horse's mouth". I interviewed about 20 women, married and single including my own mother. I will segment their answers for better understanding.
Dependability: About three women continually emphasized this. "He needs to be in Charge; He should be someone I can look up to". Truth is, from my experience, the moment a woman meets a likely mate, potential husband or man, she unconsciously begins to test him to know if he can handle her, if he is one she can listen to. This is a critical moment because it determines if you are going to captain her ship or you are just a school child on excursion on the ship. It is very tricky, because it is not a matter of coercion, this will only instill fear and not respect, it is infact sometimes merely intellectual and mental, an emotional submission, not in a manipulative way, because the hypnosis will not last, but in a way that says, I want to be your friend, your brother, your father and your husband. I hope you get the picture. If you can play these roles, to checkmate the multidimensional traits of a woman, then, she will depend on you.
Real and Trustworthy: Don't start a relationship wearing a mask. Remember Joker, the ark rival of the Batman, his mask is always smiling but the real face is pain personified. Most men are like that, they present an image of heaven and they give you hell. Almost all of the 20 women I interviewed said they want a man who is real. Don't be the guy who would wash her underwear when you are dating but cannot even buy her soap when you are married. Don't go preparing an Italian meal from a legendary chef-book while you are dating , if you cannot boil water for her in marriage. It is deceit. Show her who you are, she might just like you that way. After all, some women like broken men, they get satisfaction from fixing them.
Romantic and passionate: One of them said, "men don't understand that we are fragile and we only pretend to be hard to protect ourselves". Another one said, "I like to be pursued and pampered". This is screaming "Romantic". A woman wants to be pampered. She knows that the sun has been rising and setting before she was born, but she wants to know that she is your sunshine. She wants to believe that though there are 7 billion people on the planet, your eye sees only her. It is a figurative thing, but it means the world to the woman. This is the sad reason why older women fall for the cheap charms of younger boys who notice them. Back then in School, a frustrated male professor asked his female students who they preferred between a man who pays the fees for the kids, puts a roof over her heads, provides for the family and a man who scatters rose petals around the bed for her, tells her how the word beautiful was invented because of her, but hardly provides. Surprisingly, many chose the romantic. I know this might be a very expensive joke but it sure holds some truth. I gave my grandmother of over 80 a compliment, i told her that she looks like a young bride, she immediately hugged me and she began to glow. Ofcourse she knew i had exaggerated, but she still bought what I was selling. When you stop complimenting a woman, she stops existing, she shrinks until she completely disappears. Adam saw Eve and exclaimed, "Bone of my bone, flesh of my flesh", he didn't stop there, he gave her the name "woman". A man must give his wife a name, one that says, "you belong to me and I to you". My dad calls my mum, "mine". You get the picture? For your sake, I hope you do.
Sex is not sport: The last time I checked, sex is not a game in the Olympics. Two women gave me the most interesting response when I asked them, "can sex destroy a marriage from a woman's point of view?" One narrated the story of her friend whose husband complained to her fiancée that his wife never asks for sex and when he does ask, she makes it look like a house chore and she is completely disengaged. The lady in turn spoke to her saying, "I am sexually frustrated, my husband does not satisfy me". She went on to explain saying that sex is communication, it is an intimate way for married people to communicate love and affection. Yes it can get loud, frecky and kinky, but the woman wants you to adore her body all through the process, like a temple you go to worship and not a gym you go to show your masculinity. She said most men only seek to satisfy themselves and they don't care to know what the woman wants and it becomes a one-sided communication. I asked my mum of her take on the topic and she told me, "if you show care and affection to your wife, she will always want you sexually". You see, women are not like God that we only seek when we need Him, women want to know they are needed all the time.
Fidelity: When a man doesn't intend to be monogamous after taking a vow of fidelity, he simply does not respect God and his partner. This was of high priority for most women I spoke to. God is infinite love, without God, you cannot love a woman. Ephesians 5:25 says, "husbands, love your wives as Christ loved his Church and gave himself for her". Do you realise that God died for those who flogged him, laughed at it, mocked him, crucified him, without exception? He said, "forgive them father, for they know not what they are doing". A real man learns to forgive and overlook the weaknesses of a good woman because the very things that make her weak, also make her strong. (topic for another day).
Dear men, listen to a woman when she speaks, listen to her body language, don't ignore any tear and appreciate every smile, they just want to be loved. Stay tuned for volume 2.
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