REFLECTIONS ……THE ABUSER AND THE ABUSED

A renowned psychologist and professor carried out a very strange experiment on two beautiful rose flowers. He put the flowers into separate pots, the best pot in the market, used the appropriate soil, changed water regularly and made sure to treat the water with sugar, apple cider and a small amount of bleach to control bacteria. He trimmed the end of the steam each day and culled the flower. He called them Flower A and B and whatever he did to A, he made sure to do to B. Now this is where it gets rather strange; for the flower A, he asked his students to pass every morning and give the flower lovely compliments that tells it how beautiful it is and to the flower B, they should rain abuses on it without restraint. After one week, an even stranger thing happened, flower A blossomed and had the best fragrance while flower B withered. When you think of this beautiful phenomenon, you can’t help but wonder how human the flowers were, how they came alive. I know it seems unbelievable, but I think the flowers had ears that listened and minds that hurt.

A man once told his son, “My son, don’t ever beat your woman, the wound on her body is nothing to be compared to the pain in her heart”. My point is, a man who beats his wife is a complete animal and prison is a weekend gateway compared to the zoo I think he should be locked in, but physical abuse is like a scratch from your pet cat compared to the tiger claw indelible mark that psychological abuse leaves on the mind.

I guess my question is, WHO ARE THE VICTIMS OF ABUSE? In most cases, women are the victims of physical abuse and like I said in my previous posts, offenders should not be dealt with lightly. Hmm! I know the hearts of the female folks reading this is post is pumping more blood in a fit of mild irritation and if a mirror was turned to their face, I am most certain to find a displeasing look that comes from a sour taste, and yes, I can hear the said and unsaid words echoing out of my speaker saying, “TELL THE ANIMALS”.  I think, with a complete reservation of opinion and perception, not in a sexiest or anti-feminist manner, that though men are physically abusive, many women are psychologically abusive.  

Now before you crucify my unworthy mortal body to the cross, please empty your cups and hear me out. Cage in the raging bull and listen to my simple words. Women are psychologically abusive but for most women, IT IS UNINTENTIONAL. Yes! You heard me right, they don’t even know they are doing it. Men too can be psychologically abusive, but the percentage is very low, physical abuse is more of a man’s vice and as much as I want to talk about this, for this article, I would be focusing on the woman’s vice.

A man who was abused as a child spoke out in this exact words, “As a child receiving both physical and emotional abuse, if given the choice between the two, my preference would be physical by far.” You see, a child’s spirit is broken long before the bone splinters. Sharon Jaynes in her book titled “The power of a woman’s words” spilled some glorious words in her rather remarkable book and I would like to share this with you not just because she is an awesome writer but because she is a woman and this serves as validation. Sharon said “While our words cannot bring into existence things that are not, they do have the power to build courage into a husband’s life”. There is a king in every man, a queen knows how to SPEAK TO THE KING WITHIN.

The renowned speaker Ann Wilson once asked women at one of her conferences, if we love our husbands, why do we often tear them down with our words? You see? Forgive them father, for they know not what they are doing. Lol. A female friend, very wise one I must add once said these beautiful words “SPEAK LIFE INTO YOUR MAN”. She told me how she highlights the goods he is doing, how she tells him that he is a king and treats him like one, how she validates him and when he faults, how she speaks to him like the man he is and not like a fellow woman. She said with a reassuring smile, “My man listens to me, he doesn’t just hear, he listens”. Women crave attention, men crave approval. A man that is with a woman that treats him like a king is ready to go to war for her, he is ready to deny his family for her, and he would work hard to give her the world. Unless he is a psychopath.

Truth is, I have heard a few men say “My wife doesn’t need me, she is a man”. This is extremely sad because it contradicts the mind of God and the most importantly, His words that made man the head of the family and demands that a woman submits and respects her husband. Many successful men attribute their success to their wife, you know what they say, “Behind a successful man is a woman”, I would want to add that “Behind an unsuccessful man is a psychologically abusive wife”.

Finally, men fight for dominance, so when you start trying to captain the ship under his watch, he forgets that you are a woman and he tightens his fist and treats you like one of the guys. This is the reason for some physical abuse that women face. A woman who disrespects her husband will have boys who will act like women and girls who will act like men.

I know some wives are probably flashing the screens of their phones or laptops, asking their poor helpless husband who is desperately trying to avoid any disputes, if what I said is true. Guys! We know how it is “Happy wife, happy life”, I expect you to be a sweetheart and say, “Hell No, It is absolute nonsense”, so to help your poor unfortunate souls comment, you can post with anonymous, but for me, this is an opportunity from the universe to be man. Grab those BALLS on your mouse, scroll down and leave your comment. For women, I am sure you are already saying more than you are typing. Gbam! That was the bell, LET THE DEBATE BEGIN.